As a metaphor for the World-at-Large we present Mormon Haplessness
mormon page 3
Gnostic Mormon ECOLOGY

mormon heavenly ecology

It's a Religion Making Business
Mormon Ecstasy

Mormon Ecology
Cognitive Dissonance:

Mormon Prophet's heavenly projection
Gnostic Mormon Zeitgeist?
6/14/07 Joseph Fielding Smith Institute
Joseph Fielding Smith Institute of Latter-day Saint History,
Statisticians and Scholars alike agree: Given the elapsed time since the Death of Joseph Smith there has been adequate motive and opportunity for Joseph, with the help of his spiritual wives, to have overpopulated an entire planet by now. It would be enlightening to know if a planet overpopulated by Mormons would find their fate to be in the hands of a Prophet that can deliver happiness when there is standing room only.
The Joseph Fielding Smith Institute LDS History promises more funding for research into the field of Statistical Analysis regarding probabilities of Joseph Smith's Heavenly experiment and its potential outcome.
Of course there is no way of knowing for sure, there is only statistical probability and the law of attraction; there is no hard data to retrieve but the likelihood of bliss in Mormon Heaven would be informational for the Melchizedek Priesthood, apostles and devotees expecting to join him in their quest to populate the universe.
Starting with the base number of thirty-three agreed upon spiritual wives the Joseph Fielding Smith Institute of Latter-day Saint History has calculated the number of offspring to be between thirteen and twenty-one billion Mormons on the planet where Joseph Smith is Lord.

Since we stooped to stand from a crawl. . .
Mormons have much to interpret.
There should be a picture of Darwin here –– just imagine.

BOM review: Mythological Saga
Mark Twain inside the Mormon Brain
During a trip out West, Mark Twain picked up The Book of Mormon (BOM) to while away the travel time. He didn't think much of its literary value, but he did find it an unusually effective cure for insomnia:

"All men have heard of the Mormon Bible, but few except the 'elect' have seen it, or, at least, taken the trouble to read it. I brought away a copy from Salt Lake. The book is a curiosity to me, it is such a pretentious affair, and yet so 'slow,' so sleepy; such an insipid mess of inspiration. It is chloroform in print. If Joseph Smith composed this book, the act was a miracle -- keeping awake while he did it was, at any rate, miraculous. If he, according to tradition, merely translated it from certain ancient and mysteriously-engraved plates of copper, which he declares he found under a stone, in an out-of-the-way locality, the work of translating was equally a miracle, for the same reason.
His book seems to be merely a prosy detail of imaginary history, with the Old Testament for a model; followed by a tedious plagiarism of the New Testament. The author labored to give his words and phrases the quaint, old-fashioned sound and structure of our King James's translation of the Scriptures; and the result is a mongrel -- half modern glibness, and half ancient simplicity and gravity. The latter is awkward and constrained; the former natural, but grotesque by the contrast. Whenever he found his speech growing too modern -- which was about every sentence or two -- he ladled in a few such Scriptural phrases as 'exceeding sore,' 'and it came to pass,' etc., and made things satisfactory again. 'And it came to pass' was his pet. If he had left that out, his Bible would have been only a pamphlet."

Samuel Clemens has since been posthumously baptized successfully and is now in Mormon Heaven along with many of his favorite detractors –– they joke a lot about the meaning of life posthumously.

Mormon trompe l'oeil Dogmatology:
Mormon Dogmatologists are still spinning the use of doctrine to explain the ancient hackneyed phrase "And it came to Pass," but for a good part, the Book of Mormon sounds "Bibical"

Joseph Fielding Smith institute continued:
Mormon Prophet's heavenly projection
Mormon Environmentalism: concerns

There is some dispute as to the number of wives, thirty-three may be off the mark; six degrees of separation would imply 60 sisterwives to be the magic number. Further archival research by, the Joseph Fielding Smith Institute of Latter-day Saint History, scholars are aiding the mathematical / statistical number crunching for a, later to be published, paper on Latter-Day-Saint finding.
There may be some ammunition for the fledgling Environmental movement in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Mormons United: God's Army on the march through faith
Mormon Quorum at the Mormon Forum
Mormon Forum on tour, Nephi Trail to the Glory of Zion

L.D.S. Environmentalist ––   rumblings
There are rumblings of overpopulation and environmental degradation in the prophet's own back yard. "How could so many Mormons live in the same place at the same time, what would they live on, eachother, there are no gentiles to convert?" Mormon Environmentalists agree, Joseph Smith is far busier multitasking in Heaven than he ever was on Earth.
There is cause for alarm among the true faith believers claiming, Mormon Dogmatologists know, "If The Earth is like a rubber ball and will bounce back then the cosmos must be just like Planet Earth and it will bounce back too."
The persistence of doubt continues: Further exploration of this topic will enlighten the mormon environmentalist discussion of Gnostic Mormonism with –– with Scientific Relish .

Thaddeus Quella

Deseret News (Salt Lake City)
Perception Management
On the Religion Making Business

Editor's Note: On the sacred BOM

It has been observed by many historians and theologians that if the phrase, "And it came to pass" were replaced by the phrase, "Once upon a time," the readability of the (BOM) Book of Mormon would be greatly enhanced.

'Once upon a time, with golden plates in tow, Angel Moroni fluttered his wings and flew up and away as the clouds parted for his passage unto the Lord's domain; a deep booming voice could be heard echoing from above, as he assended, the booming voice repeated again and again, "Come hither Moroni. Come hither Moroni."'
As can be seen the essential content of text is perserved but the reader is further engaged by sparking the imagination and imbuing a sense of wonder; even a Perfidious Angel can engender endearment.

Wendell Tately


[Disputed count of "It Came to Pass" 1,381 times verses 1,353 times makes for decrepit anomalies over and over but the salient content remains the same regardless of the tally.]

Using the low count, makes statistical news.
With the phrase, "it came to pass" recurring only 1,353 times, comprising a total of 6,675 words, and represents only 2.5 percent of the content of The Book of Mormon, yet still The BoM (Book of Mormon) remains the most redundant and hackneyed text ever written.
The centerpiece is Johnson's translation of BOM is the spin to make a lively and accessible translation, which, perhaps despite his intentions, could conceivably entice new converts to the Mormon Church through hypnotic persuasion and numbing redundance in passages that require a leap of faith that's too great for a gentile to appreciate.
Under Johnson's studious and faithful editorship, The Book of Mormon becomes a thrilling and briskly paced mythological saga of redundant unknowability . . .

Thaddeus Quella

The Newest Zion Pyramid Scheme
growing the faith business

Pharaonic Reconstruction

Pyramids of Cheops, Cairo Egypt
Missionary Mormons have proposed to the Council of Antiquities in Cairo a bold idea, to rehabilitate the Sphinx of the Cheops to conform to a revisionist historical view of the world. Beyond Postmodern, the project is touted to increase visitorship to Egypt and its historic sites. It is said to target an untapped market for both psudoscience and mythology for the prophet. The dollars discussed are substantial.

At present the Cairo Museum is doubtful of the success of the project, however, the proposal is on the table and if there are the funds it will be done.

As part of the project, the missionaries have insisted on replacing the traditional camel tours with tours in two-wheeled carts (Mormon Handcarts) to be pushed and pulled by young Mormon Missionaries. The carts are to symbolize the Great Western Mormon Migration to Salt Lake City of the 185o's.

the Implication of finding
Mirror Planets, Enigma Quadrant

Mirror Planets Confirmed: Fitting doctrine to destiney will be a stretch if it is verified that the Planet KOLOB and Planets OLIBLISH and ENISH-GO-ON-DOSH are infact locked in slave orbits.
The doctrinal implications of having two sets of planets on which God lives sets into play another form of theology. Mormons are prepred for such occasions as the Prophet here on Earth will be able to divine the proper place to direct worship. To ward off untoward interest, most of the revelation is being kept in strict secrecy.


Mormon Monument, the sphinx, Mormon extacymormon extacymormon Extacy
Mormon Sphinx, Joseph Smith Monument: Mormon Zeitgeist, Anachronistic Apologetics are born to to explain and re-explain while the world moves on to deal with the real, knotty problems of existence for our species.

Egyptology: Mormon Pyramid Scheme –– Mormon DharmaPyramid Scheme, Pharaonic Joseph Smith
Pyramid Schemes: Sphinx rehabilitation Joseph Smith revisionist
history and tourist dollars, growing the religion making business.

The Deseret Enlightenment
A suitable wonder
with cringing and gnashing of teeth

Masons often wonder of the Mormon Movement and its use of Masonic thinking rendered through the mind of a grave robber; Masonic ritual and symbol co-opted to serve another power beyond inquiring thought and social intercourse for the common good. We must wonder of the common good "When the prophet has spoken the thinking has been done."
Occultic and Masonic Influence in Early Mormonism
Lying to the outside world is rooted practice within Mormonism, Masonic-borrowed oaths of loyalty and obedience to the tribe secures the duped into a complicity; an arrangement for rewards never to be collected . . .

Thank God
"The Earth is like a rubber ball and will bounce back."

Baptism for the dead
More Mormon Posthumous Baptisms

Temple News Press Release:
Milton Friedman Conversion Complete

LDS news, June 10, 2007, Mormon Tabernacle Announcement:
Mormons have successfully converted and baptized Milton Friedman to the true faith posthumously. "Milton Friedman is now where he belongs, Mormon Paradise. Milton Friedman has pierced the veil, now passed into the radiance of Mormon Heaven. The 'invisible hand man' is now doing his most powerful work now that he is one of us."

parson Carson Gallant Charoot

Spirits speak out
from the Beyond

Milton Friedman Speaks:
From the beyond. Milton Freidman communicates to his medium, here on Earth, Tom Friedman, shill for Globalization, the Classified Meritocracy and the Flat Planet Pyramid Scheme.

Milton Freidman Missive
as follows: "I'm being treated quite well, the Mormon Music is a bit stilted but I do have my own planet to populate just like they promised and I love Mormon Jokes. Wish your were here."

Mormon Prophet, Joseph Smith, fever dreamer.Fever Dreamer, Joseph Smith
Joseph Smith Mormon Faith Revelator
The Mormon Transhumanist knows,
God once was as man is. As God is, man may become. A conceit Mormons embrace with unconditional reverence, unquestioning faith, unwavering zeal

Mormon Posthumous Conversion, Milton Friedman went on to postulate:
"For the best of all possible worlds choice is the one force that drives the need to have needs. So many choices -- so many needs, the invisible hand is the best hand for demanding supply –– supplying demand."
Alen Greenspan carries on the deception, "Markets chase fraud like an Ibex in rut, fraud is in the fabric of free markets."

July, 4, 2007 Missive received by:
Tom Friedman from Milton Friedman, Converted Mormon.

Mormon Posthumous Baptism of jews is still a source of ire for the Jewish faithful but it seems, according to The Mormons, it's practice is beneficial for all involved –– Jews included.

The Mormon Narrator: Mormon Encyclical:
As I sat with my arms crossed looking straight ahead blank in focus, I was repeating along with my brothers and sisters, "I know the Church is true, I know the Church is true." I had no notion of what I was saying, "I know the Church is true." I followed on, "I know God is truthful" and we continued, "Through His literal, begotten son, Jesus Christ, God directs the L.D.S. Church, and none other, through latter-day prophets." We paused,
"The true church, claimed by God as His own, must be truthful, or it cannot be the true church of Jesus Christ."
We went on to witness the revelation; a thought experiment of sorts.
"The only true church had better be truthful because God is honest and He is truthful."

The Great Awakenings
Mormons got caught between
the two Awakenings


The Salient differences between LDS Mormons and Mormon Fundies appears in the fault line between feral piety and domesticated Zealotry.

Preliminary finding:
Keen on Fecundity
The Salient differences between LDS Mormons and Mormon Fundies appears in the fault line between feral piety and domesticated Zealotry.

It's like the Fundaliens had landed and a few humans sold out to the Fundaliens and beget Mormolians. These Mormolians, more domesticated than their brethern are like no other species.
They call themselves Mormons and they walk the planet and do what they do to further earn honors (chits) to cart off to other constellations, galaxies, hell, nebulae to propagate a personal strain of Mormon. On this planet deeded to the devotee, religious tradition holds this to be done with one's Spiritual Partner for one to propagate progeny to worship you as their creator -- their God (Mormon Fundies get as many wives as they need to turn this trick) to secure an everafter in the hereafter.
Fecund Mission: It's a growth industry, it's all about growth, making babies, the mission, prosperity, making more babies; it's the full leap –– to faith (NoSpace Suit Needed) regardless of which Mormon Sect, they are off to worlds beyond with full faith and credit from Joe Smith himself.
In a perfect universe, Evangelicals and Mormons would run off together to another planet to do works of wonder and live to conquer gentiles and save souls alturnatly until they eat eachother up.
Howard Hughes and Richard Nixon found Mormons usful and George Bush carries on this religious tradition. Willing empty vessels are handy here because Mormons live for the Great Cosmic Hereafter filled with sprinkles and glitter and fecundity. Unfortunately, this is not Science Fiction or Scientology, it's Mormonism and "The Earth is like a rubber ball and will bounce back." Mormons worry not about the moral hazard of faith. Mormonism is"Health in the navel, marrow in the bone, strength in the loins and in the sinews, power in the priesthood be upon me and upon my posterity through all generation of time and throughout all eternity forever and ever evermore, pay-lay-ale. O God, hear the words of my mouth!" forever. Amen.

Hugo Baltzer

conclusive text here

Conclusive texts are at present being compiled from the original manuscripts by Hugo Baltzer. In cooperation with the Mormon Temple and the Joseph Fielding Smith Institute of Latter-day Saint History texts are retrieved, photocopied and archived for the preservation of origional intent. The Book of Mormon, BOM is to make more news once the cipher is deciphered by our inhouse cryptologist, Hugo Baltzer

If one can't wait for conclusive texts to be reciphered we recommend:
Important Ex-Mormon Movement Information

mormon sphinx zeitgeist
mormon zeitgeist
copyright Scari©2006
all rights reserved

One might Ask GOK?
One might ask why pick on the Mormons and that's a fair question.
One might say because, as a metaphor, it's easy. When shaping a short treaties on self-deception to model all organized religion why not choose a no brainer . . . GOK

Gustave Ormar Kahan



No cunningly devised fables, no no no

And it came to pass: For we have not followed cunningly devised fables, when we made known unto you the power and coming of our Lord Joseph Smith, but were eyewitnesses of his royal majesty and intricate message to us the devout supplicants of the true word from planet Kobol.
"as man is, God once was; God is as man may become"

Mormon Judeophilia: America's Hermetic Prophet and Revelator

Melchizedek Priesthood

Perception Management: Mormon Branding
Mormons claim the largest Organ in this World –– truly the Mighty Mormons' Organ


Welcoming, Beckoning us into His fold to become part of something far greater than
any of its parts, truly A Pearl of Great Price, the Sacred, not Secret: Mormon Rosetta

Pregnant with fecund symbolism Joseph Smith welcomes us unto the alter of the Mormon Organ
Joseph Smith with Mormon Organ
Joseph Smith with the Mormon Organ and his Pearl of Great Price: the Mormon Rosetta

The Mighty Mormon Organ — Delight, Enlighten, Convert.
The Organ and Gonhorra
The Mormon Organ has great pipes. When fully pumped to max pressure the World's Largest Organ will blow you sox off, enough to dazzle anyone within several miles and suitably impress all your Sisterwives. Without his concept of sisterwives and his here and there, heaven, his faith may have been a nonstarter but with the sister-wife twist his vision lives on today with gusto for the promise of the fruits of his goodness in heaven and the Mormon Goddess or the Mormon Mom-Cast. Heavenly Mother Gonhorra is our guiding light to delight enlighten and prosper. parson Carson Gallant Charoot

Mormon Judeophilia
is taken to the level of Kitsch
using Levitical Rites


Joseph Smith
stands by his Organ
pregnant with fecund symbolism

Yes, mysticism comes, magically, in many forms. This is but one with attendant shiny objects and sparkly things. The Mormon Organ is one facet of many on the Mormon Rosetta. A solid symbol to keep and bind The Good Mormon to the faith. Mormon Music truphets from afar, the joyious echos rbound against the Wasach as a choir of Mormon Angels.

Joseph Smith, with his organ ready to perform for his Sister wives, stands as a shining symbol of ignorance overcoming enlightenment through adversity.

As prophets go he is better than most given his vision for heaven and earth. He is a thrilling Messiah for his devotees, given that he wishes to share his vision for all to enjoy here and off into the his great hereafter. Our Heavenly Father has great plans for us all. The Plan of Salvation is available to all plus 10%.


Even Joe Smith agrees, 'And it came to pass I too, Lord God, hate figs and I believe in the pigmentocracy also.' The Pearl of Great Price

Religious Tradition confirmed: Aaronic or Levitical Rite –– The Melchizedek Priesthood received through revelation. Not a new concept for religious traditions, The Divine Right Rite endemnifies anything mormons want. The Mormon Brand is able to fabricate Mormon Myth from the thinnest of thread, finest of weave. Its all part of the Religion Making Business.

And it came to pass, Thank God, Joseph Smith received the Aaronic Priesthood together with Oliver Cowdery from John the Baptist in May 1829. Joseph Smith later stated that they were visited by Christ’s apostles, Peter, James and John, sometime in late June of 1829. Through Religious Tradition, The Chosen, Joseph and Oliver were ordained into a much higher order, the Melchizedek Priesthood, through elaborate ritual and much feasting and dancing. The chorus chanted after each oath sworn in the ritual was: "We'll share the women, we'll share the wine" and "it's alright to do it but don't get caught."

Had Joseph Smith not received the Melchizedek Priesthood from John the Babtist, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints may not have stood the test of time to become one of the world's great religions.
And it came to pass, Thus Came the Mormon Organ and all the other stuff that makes Mormonism among the loopiest of all cults to have authenticated the Melchizedek Priesthood through the Divine Right Rite.

there is much much more on
the Mormon Pigmentocracy

post script:

There may be a typo in
The Pearl of Great Price
regarding figs. These fig references may be directed toward disparaging homosexuals not biblical fruit.


Existential Question?
It's true, Mormons have little time for (reflection) navel gazing; what with all the networking, legnd and ritual; there is much to learn and commit to memory to be regurgitated for one's brethren and the curious who hunger for The Light of a True Faith by Revelation in time of crisis or desparation.
Tribalism is clearly not going away till there is some question of what exactly we want to get out of our existence of being human as human's being. Fealty to some distant notion of preceived reality seems too difficult for we the people to grasp without tribal association to a shared mythology. Mormons spin a great yarn with lots of sprinkes and glitter: why not become a Socialist Theist with dazzeling lore to back the leap of faith.
Why not become a Mormon?
Don't go there, Please, to share the fantasy requires believing too much far too often. To scratch the itch requires too many feathers and beads. After all it's an imagined itch. Like your mommy said, "If you scratch, the itch only gets worse."
Why not become a Socialist Deist, Agnostic or Atheist; God forbid Humanist?
Remember: Through the Divine Right Rite anything is possible.


invisible hand Moroni Money
follow the money

profligate religious promiscuity
"as man is, God once was"

Our Narrator is the Best Narrator: For we have not followed cunningly devised fables, for we know you already believe too much too often so we have gone to great pains to simplify your leap of faith because there are so many apostates sapping your religious energy for yet another deity, but, our diety, Joseph Smith got 'The Word' almost directly from God himself.
Be warned: Anytime you get 'the word' second hand you know it's from an unreliable narrator unless it's a Mormon Revelator - Narrator.'

Is Larry Craig a Brokeback Mormon or just another wide stance Men's Room tap dancer? Is Senator Larry Craig part of the Divine Right Rite?
Does Idaho's own Larry Craig get head in public restrooms? Does Idaho's own Larry Craig give head in public restrooms? He could have claimed The Twinki Defense as a trial baloon.
Larry Craig, darling of the Right, gives head on Moroni's trumpet, allbeit in a strained mumble, spouting shibboleth of God and Country and the American way. Larry Craig, Idaho's own Mormon voice speaks of a kinder gentler Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and how it is soon to issue indulgences for misdemeanors to include fellatio, twinki binging, hipocracy, mendacity and petty Mormon Religious Law infringements, to include Mormon Fundamentalism i.e. plural marriage and separation of priesthood by race.
A reformed afterlife insurance company: the L.D.S. church is soon to be called the New Universal Unification Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Heaven and on Earth etc. Inc.

12/10/08 The Larry Craig Appeal:
Senator Larry Craig's case based on free speech. Given, waving at adjacant puplic restroom stalls must be protected speech, he did not argue the Twinki Defense.

rapture dervish
rapture dervish

For fruther investigation into the authority and veracity of these postings, please feel free to consort with the source of all this confusion and
profligate religious promiscuity

Foundation for Ancient Research and Mormon Studies: FARMS

Pandora's Box

The consensus is after much study by scholars, theologians and dogmatologists, it is agreed that the BOM, Book of Mormon sounds, for the most part, Bibical.
Caveat: It is recognized that Mormons do not suffer criticism well, not a tolerant lot. satire, irony and ambiguity is not The Mormons' strong suit.